Is Narnia Melting?

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ." II Corinthians 1: 3-5

It has been nearly eight months since Nick died. My grandchild. Charlie's grandson. My children's son and nephew. My grandchildren's brother and cousin. His young life cut off and ended at the youthful age of sixteen. His driver's license three weeks old in the wallet handed to his parents.

I wrote about Nick's death in the previous blog thinking that I would journal my way through grief. But it didn't work that way. I couldn't write about this horrific family loss because all of a sudden I realized that my heart had frozen and locked up like a computer. There was nothing I could do to get it going again. I couldn't write about anything! Not even simple thank you notes. Whenever I started to write, I would stare out the window. I was numb and mute like the cold icey outdoors. When asked when I was going to blog again, I could only shake my head in silence. Sometimes I would say, "When the Lord gives, I guess." And I wondered, would He ever choose to give again?"

I talked to my friend who is a counselor. She said, "Betsy, you are trying to process your grief. Don't do that. When you are in so much pain, you can't process. Just lean into Jesus and let Him comfort you in His way and in His time."

That was very good counsel. I heard the Lord speaking to me through her words. It's the advice that I'd pass on to anyone who is suffering from deep loss. Lean into Jesus and let Him comfort you in His way and in His time. So that's what I did and that's what I am still doing. I have been amazed at the special comfort that He gives and sends into our deepest pain. I've given it a name - God's Customized Comfort. It's tailor made for us but we have to learn to lean into Him and receive it. Isn't that what the Christian's joyful journey is all about - "learning to lean , learning to lean, learning to lean on Jesus," as the beautiful old hymn tells us?

But lately, just lately, I feel a thawing, a melting deep within the innermost parts of my soul. It's like being in the northwoods and hearing a trickle of water surging up in the deep snow of a long winter. When you hear it, you pause and ask, "Is winter melting? Can it be? Will the newness of spring really come?"

Creative thoughts are beginning to gently rise like little bubbles in a kettle of water that sits on a gas flame and is almost ready to boil. There are things I want to write down and share about God's Customized Comfort. His goodness and tenderness in His care for me doing this time has been so healing. He has used His Word and He has brought people in ways that I could never have imagined before Nick went to be with Him. I would like to comfort others with the comfort that He has given me: "who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble , with the "customized" comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." II Cor. 1:4

Am I through the valley? No, I'm not. There is still a long walk ahead. I know that. In the "old days" women wore black for a year when they were mourning a lost loved one. That seems like a long time to wear black clothes but grief takes a long time. I've learned that. Maybe, after a year, my heart will reach into its closet, throw the black mourning veils in the hamper and clothe itself in colors again. Meanwhile I continue day by day to follow my friend's wise counsel and to lean into the pain finding that God's comfort is real and underneath are His Everlasting arms.

Aslon has been there and He is healing. I am listening, perhaps, maybe..... I hear the trickling stream and Narnia is starting to melt.

Ode to Christmas 2010

Christmas Day, 2010. I am in a plane flying to Dallas to attend the funeral of my sixteen year old grandson. He was killed two days ago when the Mazda 6 that he was driving crossed the median and sideswiped a semi. Nick had his driver's license for three weeks. By the time the helicopter got him to the hospital, he had gone to be with Jesus.

I look down from the plane window and see the neatly blocked streets of Milwaukee far below. They are covered with snow like a Christmas card picture. I think about all the people in the houses celebrating Christmas. I picture them opening packages, laughing at funny gifts, and watching their childrens' delight as they unwrap their special presents.

Some of the houses have cars parked in front of them and in their driveways - evidence of happy gatherings inside. I imagine the smells of platters filled with turkey and ham wafting through the rooms. Every year I cook too - pies, brownie bars, whatever my family likes. It gives me great joy. But not this year. That has been suddenly snatched away.

As I stare down, I wonder how the families in each house celebrate Christmas Eve? We always dim the lights and read the Christmas story. Everytime the word angel appears, the grandchildren take turns lighting candles symbolizing the verse, "The people who sat in darkness have seen a great light." Pretty soon the dark room is aflame with light. But not this year.

Charlie and I didn't open any presents this morning. We were packing hastily - rushing to catch the 12:30 pm flight to Dallas. Our one thought - get to our family whose loss is so great! As we hurried out the door, I glanced back at our darkened kitchen. No good smells, no Christmas dishes, no decorated table waiting for friends. This year our house was a way station on Christmas Eve. We thought we were going to celebrate two weeks with our Alaska family. That's what we thought until Thursday, December 23rd at 5:30 pm when we got the telephone call that said - not this year.

My thoughts go back to that evening - grieving and phoning - grieving and phoning. Family to call, loved ones calling back. "My son, my son, how can we be so far away at such a time?" Hearing the grief and pain in his voice and my Texas daughter-in-love's sobs, intensifies the already indescribable pain in my heart.

Miraculously we are booked on a 6 am flight Christmas Eve day from Anchorage to Minneapolis. Two hours sleep and it is 1:30 am. Time to dress and have our son drive us to the airport. For an hour and a half we talk - we share rambling thoughts. We watch four moose passing us in the cold Alaskan night. I remember that seeing them used to excite me. But not this year. I am too numb to register more emotion.

At 3:45 we arrive at the airport and are told that we can have seats together if we sit in the very last row. We don't care, we don't want to be separated at such a time. We both search our bibles for the comfort of the Scriptures. Lord, give us strength - special verses for Nick-anything that will help us get through this agony. As we read, the peace that passes all understanding begins to descend. We write the verses down. I look up to see the man in the window seat next to Charlie watching us. Charlie and he start talking. He is a ship's captain in charge of huge boats that carry cargo from Alaska to Japan. He tells us that he was at sea when he got a telephone call that his sister had died. He said, "What do you do when you are in the middle of the ocean and you get such a call?" We told him that the telephone also rang for us and that's why we were leaving Alaska the day before Christmas. After we had talked, we gave him the Four Spiritual Laws. He took it and read it from cover to cover then carefully zipped it into his leather seaman's jacket pocket. He wasn't supposed to be in that seat - someone had asked him to trade. We weren't supposed to be in our seats. Or were we all three supposed to be there? Was his possible conversion a good fruit from Nick's physical death? Maybe this year he will come to know Jesus. I wonder at God's grace shining in the midst of our darkness.

We arrive in Minneapolis at 2:30 pm. The van from the Country Suites picks us up. "Why are you traveling so late on Christmas Eve Day?" the driver askes us. We tell him and he shares that his son has cancer. He says, "You told me your trouble, I tell you mine." We knew what he was saying. The glitter of Christmas was all around us, but each of our hearts had great needs that tinsel could never fill. Not this year.

We drive the five hours from Minneapolis to home. Christmas Eve - snow falling, slippery roads, wrecker trucks pulling people out of the ditches, but my mind sees one wrecker truck pulling a black Mazda off of a Texas highway. We stop at McD's for a bite. Who are all these people standing in line for fast food on Christmas Eve? Are they traveling for dreadful reasons too? My mind is frozen like the landscape around us. I cannot smile at them - certainly not ask a personal question.

We get home and unpack our Alaska suitcases and make flight arrangements to Dallas for the next day, Christmas Day. Sleeping in my own bed for one night, my last thought is "No candles being lit tonight. No Nick laughing and striking a match as he hears the word 'angel.' But wait! Isn't he seeing the angels as he spends his first Christmas in heaven? Are they the angels who appeared to the shepherds when the Savior was born in Bethlehem? Is he asking them? Ah, Nick, Nick, what are you doing right now?"

My mind returns to the present. Soon I will see the neighborhoods of Dallas-Fort Worth - not snow covered and cold like in Milwaukee - but each house will be celebrating Christmas. My eyes will search for only one - a home where they opened gifts this morning and tried to continue on. A home with unopened presents under the tree labeled "To Nick." A home that now has three teenagers instead of four. How sad can life get?

The plane flies on to our destination. We are nearly there but I can't see the activity below. We are above the clouds and the sun is shining blindingly bright all around us. "Is this how bright the Shekinah Glory shines in heaven, Nick?" I wonder. "Jesus, the angels, God on His great throne. You are seeing and experiencing it all this year."

For an instant, looking out at the brilliant sun, I am there with him. The wonder of eternal life surrounds me. Then I hear the sound of the wheels going down and our plane descends to land. The clouds swirl around us and all is grey again. The trials and afflictions of this present world encumber us as before. But I have seen the upperside and God has reminded me that my grandson is truly alive. "He is not dead for He has risen!" Nick is above the clouds looking down at God's great canvas of eternity. He has fought the good fight, he has finished the race - this year.

We rent our car and drive toward Crowley. Our family is there.

Other Christmases may come and go with new joys and sorrows but we wont forget this year of our Lord 2010. We do not know what future Christmases will bring but we do know that we shall never be the same - not after this year.

Peace, Good Will Toward Men!

My dear friend, Janey, who lives in Birmingham, sent this wonderful writing in her Christmas letter this year. I loved the thought and so, dear blog friends and family, I'm passing it on to you.

Janey wrote: "In Psalm 23:5 David says God's flock is fed in the presence of our enemies. God asks us to pray for our enemies - those who for some reason do not agree with our loyalties to faith and family or country. For this reason, I am including a writing of Mother Teresa that has been a reminder to me this year of what the angels sang at Jesus' birth, "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace, good will toward men." Luke 2:14. May we all use the love given us to practice this in the coming year to those who do not know the luxury of God's approval because of the personal acceptance of His Son as Savior."

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.

Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway.

Thanks, Janey, for sharing how God wants us to behave "toward men" (toward everyone) as we travel life's joyful journey.

Road Open

Reading Through the Bible in 2010 (Jeremiah 25-27)

"'Then it will come to pass, when seventy years are completed, that I will punish the king of Babylon and that nation, the land of the Chaldeans, for their iniquity,' says the Lord; 'and I will make it a perpetual desolation.'" Jer. 25:12

Charlie was signaling to me. He looked excited as he gestured toward the street. I glanced up, from talking to a friend on my cell phone, and peered ahead. At first I was like, what? Then comprehension dawned. The detour sign was gone! The road was open. We could drive straight on through to the lake. No more detour through Seymour. Thirty minutes off our driving time!

"Look at that," he exclaimed as we sped along the smooth new pavement, "Passing lanes! Good bye poky drivers. This was definitely worth the wait!"

"I'm surprised they got it done before winter." I said.

"Oh," he replied, "I thought they'd have it open for gun deer hunting when half the state heads to the north woods."

We got to the lake so fast. I'd forgotten how much quicker it is without the detour.

Are you ever amazed when God opens a door in your life? It seems like you are on a perpetual detour and then - suddenly - something that has been blocked happens. The "Road Closed" sign is gone and there you go.... down a beautiful new path in life's joyful journey. A road has been under construction in your life and voila! It's open before you.

When Jeremiah wrote down God's words about His impending judgment upon Babylon, it must have seemed to the weeping prophet that he was stuck on a big time detour. God had told him over and over that Judah was about to be heavily disciplined and carried off to Babylon. Israel's Babylonian Captivity loomed omniously ahead.

But God never leaves His people comfortless and He gave Jeremiah chapter 27. Inspirationally penning God's word, he must have received hope as God told him that after seventy years, Babylon, too, would be punished. The Exile would not last forever.

Did he have any idea that seventy years later, a famous prophet named Daniel would be sitting in Babylon reading these very words? Could he know that Daniel would be inspired by what he, Jeremiah, had written and start praying for an end to the captivity and a return to Israel? Probably not. But as a result of Jeremiah's faithfulness to write God's words during a bleak time, a marvelous road of return would open seventy years later for his people.

We encounter lots of roadblocks in our lives. But if we will be faithful to what God tells us to do, the "Road Open" sign will come up. We don't know when but God does. He finishes

what He starts. His timing is perfect. Charlie was sure the Department of Transportation would have the road open before gun deer hunting started in Wisconsin. We can perfectly trust the detours of our lives to One much greater than the DOT.

Are you feeling blocked at every turn? Wait, knowing that the new door will open, because our God is an awesome trustworthy God, and He has promised that it will. Detours can lead to shining new roads with passing lanes!

"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;" Phil.1:6

A Detour Through Seymour

Reading Through the Bible in 2010 (Jeremiah 4-6)

"Stand in the ways and see, And ask for the old paths, where the good way is, And walk in it; Then you will find rest for your souls. But they said, 'We will not walk in it.'" Jeremiah 6:16

I was impatient! It was a beautiful day and I wanted to get to the lake. Usually our trip takes us two hours and fifteen minutes. That never seems long to me. But all summer every trip to our lake house has taken two hours and forty five minutes. Why? Because of the detour through Seymour!

"Charlie," I lamented, "When will the road be open so we don't have to take this detour? Why would anyone want to drive twenty miles out of their way to go through Seymour, Wisconsin anyway?"

"Hey," he replied, "Didn't you see the sign? This is the home of the hamburger. If somebody in Seymour hadn't invented it - no hamburgers! How would we have had that hilarious scene in 'The Pink Panther' about haaambergers?"

"You're funny," I retorted, "but this seems like a major waste of time to me."

Do you ever notice how many times life seems to take detours? We have wonderful plans for the day - the week - the year - and suddenly something comes up. It might be a knee injury or a loved one with cancer. Maybe it's an unexpected job loss or a relative's sudden need. A phone call and there's a road block - a formidable yellow and black fence saying "Road closed. Take detour." We have to abruptly change our familiar habits and take the new unknown way.

God spoke through the prophet Jeremiah to warn the people of Judah that they were headed in the wrong direction. They were determined to go their way and not God's way. If they had changed their course in response to Jeremiah's pleas, they would have gone back to the "good way" and "found rest for their souls." But instead they said, "We will not walk in it." (Jer. 6:16) Their stiff necked refusal to follow God's road block caused them to take a long detour of their own making - all the way to eventual exile in Babylon.

But something happened in that detour to Babylon. After the Jewish people returned from their days of exile, they were different. They never worshiped idols again. You might say they'd learned their lesson. By the time they came back to the "old paths" they were a changed people.

God's detours in our lives have significant lessons for us. We come through them different people if we approach them with the right attitude. If we agreeably receive them as His way instead of our way, we too, come through changed. All of a sudden we have a better understanding of the lives of others - what they are doing, what they are feeling, what they are experiencing. Detour can become "da tour." Seymour can become "See more." "DA TOUR" to "SEE MORE" about others who live along the country roads of our lives.

Enough said, I'll close. After all, it's lunchtime and what would life be without a good hamburger anyway?

Asphalt Prayers

Reading Through the Bible in 2010 (Isaiah 43-45)

“Thus says the Lord, The Holy One of Israel, and his Maker; Ask Me of things to come concerning My sons; And concerning the work of My hands, you command Me.” Is. 45:ll

Charlie and I were distraught. He had reached the end of his rope with one of his employees. The man refused to come under his authority and repeatedly made it clear that he felt that he should have had Charlie’s job. His wife obviously felt the same way because she mocked and ridiculed me to her friends.

I remember the night that my husband and I took God at His Word. We went outside to pray under His great sky. The full moon was shining down on our asphalt driveway making it glisten in the bright light. We prayed together and fervently entreated the Lord. This was our prayer:

“Oh, Lord, You know how desperate we are about this couple. We have loved them, we have been patient, and we have prayed and tried to do Your will concerning them. But, things are getting so difficult that if You don’t intervene and do something drastic; we aren’t going to be able to do your will in this mill. Either change our hearts, or change their hearts, or remove them!”

Two days later, they accepted a transfer to another job. Later he left the company. Our fervent prayer on the asphalt had been answered. After this couple left, there was a different atmosphere in the mill. Charlie was able to move forward in many areas without this man obstinately blocking him.

Since then, we have uttered many “asphalt prayers” in various situations. We learned through that evening’s ardent prayer that sometimes God is saying to us, "Tell me what you want Me to do.” He continues; “I have made the earth, And created man on it. It was I- My hands that stretched out the heavens, And all their host I have commanded.” Is. 45:12. How incredible is it that this Lord of the entire universe instructs us to call to Him and use His unfathomable power in our lives? He tells us this over and over again in so many verses such as “The effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails (accomplishes) much ”James 5:16.

I don’t mind it when my children tell me what they want. I like to hear their needs, their goals, and their desires. I like to be a part of answering them. I would be so dismayed if they never uttered them to me and always said, “Whatever you want, Mom!”

And yet, if you’re like me, how often our prayers to God are so insipid. We say, “Well, Lord, Your will be done” over and over again. I wonder if God gets bored with that. “Asphalt prayers” take thought and effort and time. We actually have to think through what we want to talk to God about. They involve passion and urgency and earnest expectation. They’re more than sending up a spiritual text.

Martin Luther prayed a zowie of an “asphalt prayer “ when, kneeling by the bed of his dying colleague, Phillip Melanchon, he forbade death to take its victim.

Abraham, himself, boldly interceded with God in all humility about Sodom and Gomorrah. He asked, “Shall not the judge of all the earth do right?” Read about Abraham’s intervention for the righteous in Genesis 18:16-32. It’s a fascinating interaction between the man of God and his Creator.

Are we effectively using the power that God offers us so freely as His children? Matthew Henry says: "We may not strive with our Maker by passionate complaints, but we may wrestle with him by faithful and fervent prayer." Jacob did just that when he said, "I will not let You go unless You bless me." (Gen. 32:26)

Our "asphalt prayers" remind us that when we are incapable of helping ourselves, we can depend on the power of our great and wonderful heavenly Father to do amazing things.

Where Was You?

When my two year old grandson stayed with Charlie and I this summer - oh my goodness he said so many cute things - it would take up my whole blog! Like when I'd go to throw something in the wash, he'd come to the utility room and inquire, "Where was you, Grandma?"

I just thought that maybe you dear followers might be wondering that about me right now. I am still in your lives but I have had arthroscopic knee surgery recently. It has been difficult to get upstairs to my office where I think and compute, hopefully in that order. I am still reading through the Bible and will be back with you by the end of this week, Lord willing!

Meanwhile Monday 9/13 - Wednesday 9/15, Charlie and I will be in various cities speaking for Christian Women's Clubs. Please pray that people will listen and understand the Gospel as we share it. This is a wonderful opportunity to give the Gospel to those who might not hear it anywhere else. Prayer is the only thing that opens hearts to Jesus, so please pray.

If you have come to my blog and wondered "Where was you?" that's where I "be" just for a little while longer.

Love!

Betsy