Is Narnia Melting?

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ." II Corinthians 1: 3-5

It has been nearly eight months since Nick died. My grandchild. Charlie's grandson. My children's son and nephew. My grandchildren's brother and cousin. His young life cut off and ended at the youthful age of sixteen. His driver's license three weeks old in the wallet handed to his parents.

I wrote about Nick's death in the previous blog thinking that I would journal my way through grief. But it didn't work that way. I couldn't write about this horrific family loss because all of a sudden I realized that my heart had frozen and locked up like a computer. There was nothing I could do to get it going again. I couldn't write about anything! Not even simple thank you notes. Whenever I started to write, I would stare out the window. I was numb and mute like the cold icey outdoors. When asked when I was going to blog again, I could only shake my head in silence. Sometimes I would say, "When the Lord gives, I guess." And I wondered, would He ever choose to give again?"

I talked to my friend who is a counselor. She said, "Betsy, you are trying to process your grief. Don't do that. When you are in so much pain, you can't process. Just lean into Jesus and let Him comfort you in His way and in His time."

That was very good counsel. I heard the Lord speaking to me through her words. It's the advice that I'd pass on to anyone who is suffering from deep loss. Lean into Jesus and let Him comfort you in His way and in His time. So that's what I did and that's what I am still doing. I have been amazed at the special comfort that He gives and sends into our deepest pain. I've given it a name - God's Customized Comfort. It's tailor made for us but we have to learn to lean into Him and receive it. Isn't that what the Christian's joyful journey is all about - "learning to lean , learning to lean, learning to lean on Jesus," as the beautiful old hymn tells us?

But lately, just lately, I feel a thawing, a melting deep within the innermost parts of my soul. It's like being in the northwoods and hearing a trickle of water surging up in the deep snow of a long winter. When you hear it, you pause and ask, "Is winter melting? Can it be? Will the newness of spring really come?"

Creative thoughts are beginning to gently rise like little bubbles in a kettle of water that sits on a gas flame and is almost ready to boil. There are things I want to write down and share about God's Customized Comfort. His goodness and tenderness in His care for me doing this time has been so healing. He has used His Word and He has brought people in ways that I could never have imagined before Nick went to be with Him. I would like to comfort others with the comfort that He has given me: "who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble , with the "customized" comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." II Cor. 1:4

Am I through the valley? No, I'm not. There is still a long walk ahead. I know that. In the "old days" women wore black for a year when they were mourning a lost loved one. That seems like a long time to wear black clothes but grief takes a long time. I've learned that. Maybe, after a year, my heart will reach into its closet, throw the black mourning veils in the hamper and clothe itself in colors again. Meanwhile I continue day by day to follow my friend's wise counsel and to lean into the pain finding that God's comfort is real and underneath are His Everlasting arms.

Aslon has been there and He is healing. I am listening, perhaps, maybe..... I hear the trickling stream and Narnia is starting to melt.

Road Open

Reading Through the Bible in 2010 (Jeremiah 25-27)

"'Then it will come to pass, when seventy years are completed, that I will punish the king of Babylon and that nation, the land of the Chaldeans, for their iniquity,' says the Lord; 'and I will make it a perpetual desolation.'" Jer. 25:12

Charlie was signaling to me. He looked excited as he gestured toward the street. I glanced up, from talking to a friend on my cell phone, and peered ahead. At first I was like, what? Then comprehension dawned. The detour sign was gone! The road was open. We could drive straight on through to the lake. No more detour through Seymour. Thirty minutes off our driving time!

"Look at that," he exclaimed as we sped along the smooth new pavement, "Passing lanes! Good bye poky drivers. This was definitely worth the wait!"

"I'm surprised they got it done before winter." I said.

"Oh," he replied, "I thought they'd have it open for gun deer hunting when half the state heads to the north woods."

We got to the lake so fast. I'd forgotten how much quicker it is without the detour.

Are you ever amazed when God opens a door in your life? It seems like you are on a perpetual detour and then - suddenly - something that has been blocked happens. The "Road Closed" sign is gone and there you go.... down a beautiful new path in life's joyful journey. A road has been under construction in your life and voila! It's open before you.

When Jeremiah wrote down God's words about His impending judgment upon Babylon, it must have seemed to the weeping prophet that he was stuck on a big time detour. God had told him over and over that Judah was about to be heavily disciplined and carried off to Babylon. Israel's Babylonian Captivity loomed omniously ahead.

But God never leaves His people comfortless and He gave Jeremiah chapter 27. Inspirationally penning God's word, he must have received hope as God told him that after seventy years, Babylon, too, would be punished. The Exile would not last forever.

Did he have any idea that seventy years later, a famous prophet named Daniel would be sitting in Babylon reading these very words? Could he know that Daniel would be inspired by what he, Jeremiah, had written and start praying for an end to the captivity and a return to Israel? Probably not. But as a result of Jeremiah's faithfulness to write God's words during a bleak time, a marvelous road of return would open seventy years later for his people.

We encounter lots of roadblocks in our lives. But if we will be faithful to what God tells us to do, the "Road Open" sign will come up. We don't know when but God does. He finishes

what He starts. His timing is perfect. Charlie was sure the Department of Transportation would have the road open before gun deer hunting started in Wisconsin. We can perfectly trust the detours of our lives to One much greater than the DOT.

Are you feeling blocked at every turn? Wait, knowing that the new door will open, because our God is an awesome trustworthy God, and He has promised that it will. Detours can lead to shining new roads with passing lanes!

"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;" Phil.1:6

Asphalt Prayers

Reading Through the Bible in 2010 (Isaiah 43-45)

“Thus says the Lord, The Holy One of Israel, and his Maker; Ask Me of things to come concerning My sons; And concerning the work of My hands, you command Me.” Is. 45:ll

Charlie and I were distraught. He had reached the end of his rope with one of his employees. The man refused to come under his authority and repeatedly made it clear that he felt that he should have had Charlie’s job. His wife obviously felt the same way because she mocked and ridiculed me to her friends.

I remember the night that my husband and I took God at His Word. We went outside to pray under His great sky. The full moon was shining down on our asphalt driveway making it glisten in the bright light. We prayed together and fervently entreated the Lord. This was our prayer:

“Oh, Lord, You know how desperate we are about this couple. We have loved them, we have been patient, and we have prayed and tried to do Your will concerning them. But, things are getting so difficult that if You don’t intervene and do something drastic; we aren’t going to be able to do your will in this mill. Either change our hearts, or change their hearts, or remove them!”

Two days later, they accepted a transfer to another job. Later he left the company. Our fervent prayer on the asphalt had been answered. After this couple left, there was a different atmosphere in the mill. Charlie was able to move forward in many areas without this man obstinately blocking him.

Since then, we have uttered many “asphalt prayers” in various situations. We learned through that evening’s ardent prayer that sometimes God is saying to us, "Tell me what you want Me to do.” He continues; “I have made the earth, And created man on it. It was I- My hands that stretched out the heavens, And all their host I have commanded.” Is. 45:12. How incredible is it that this Lord of the entire universe instructs us to call to Him and use His unfathomable power in our lives? He tells us this over and over again in so many verses such as “The effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails (accomplishes) much ”James 5:16.

I don’t mind it when my children tell me what they want. I like to hear their needs, their goals, and their desires. I like to be a part of answering them. I would be so dismayed if they never uttered them to me and always said, “Whatever you want, Mom!”

And yet, if you’re like me, how often our prayers to God are so insipid. We say, “Well, Lord, Your will be done” over and over again. I wonder if God gets bored with that. “Asphalt prayers” take thought and effort and time. We actually have to think through what we want to talk to God about. They involve passion and urgency and earnest expectation. They’re more than sending up a spiritual text.

Martin Luther prayed a zowie of an “asphalt prayer “ when, kneeling by the bed of his dying colleague, Phillip Melanchon, he forbade death to take its victim.

Abraham, himself, boldly interceded with God in all humility about Sodom and Gomorrah. He asked, “Shall not the judge of all the earth do right?” Read about Abraham’s intervention for the righteous in Genesis 18:16-32. It’s a fascinating interaction between the man of God and his Creator.

Are we effectively using the power that God offers us so freely as His children? Matthew Henry says: "We may not strive with our Maker by passionate complaints, but we may wrestle with him by faithful and fervent prayer." Jacob did just that when he said, "I will not let You go unless You bless me." (Gen. 32:26)

Our "asphalt prayers" remind us that when we are incapable of helping ourselves, we can depend on the power of our great and wonderful heavenly Father to do amazing things.

A Lesson From A Jar of Pickles

Reading Through the Bible in 2010 (Eccles. 3-6)

"To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to break down, And a time to build up; Eccles. 3:1, 3:3

"You Dummy. What a klutz you are." These words came flying out of my mouth as I surveyed the damage. The kitchen floor glistened with sugary syrup. Pickles, looking like little frogs scattered from their messy perches atop the broken glass, seemed to leer mockingly at me. They were everywhere! Pickles, glass, sticky....aghh!!

"What a mess to clean up. That was so stupid!" Who was I berating? My child, my grandchild, my husband? Nope! I would never talk to them like that. The disparaging words of condemnation were directed at myself. I was the one who reached into the frig and -ker bang - dropped the whole pickle jar. As it crashed to the floor and shattered into a bazillion pieces, I wailed those words about - myself, "You dummy, Betsy. What a klutz you are!"

Later, as I stood with my mop and surveyed the clean kitchen floor, I thought, "Well it really looks quite nice now. It actually needed a good mopping anyway." Then I reached into the pantry and brought out a fresh jar of pickles and reflected, "That other jar was pretty old anyway. It was probably time to replace it."

As I looked at the shining laminate, my friend the Holy Spirit came alongside and surveyed the kitchen with me. He smiled pleasantly and said, "It looks nice, doesn't it?" Then He asked me a question. "Betsy, why were you so hard on yourself? What would you have said to your friend if she had let the pickles slip through her fingers? Would you have called her a dummy and a klutz?"

"Uh,"I paused and reflected on His question. A light was going on in my brain called the illumination of the Holy Spirit. "Why," I answered, "I would have said, "Don't worry, everybody drops things. I'll help you clean it up. And then......well, we probably would have had a good laugh as we gingerly picked up pieces of glass."

He had made His point. There was no need for me to engage in destructive deprecatory self talk. I began to think, "Why am I so careless about the way that I talk to myself?"

My Wise Counselor went on. "Here is a scripture for you to think about. "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." (Rom. 8:1) No condemnation, I reflected. Then why do I condemn myself? Why am I harder on myself than I am on other people?

I thought about it and thought about it. Then a long buried memory came to my mind. I remembered my mother stirring lemon pie filling on the stove. Suddenly it started to burn and the pleasant smell turned acrid. As I watched and listened, she began berating herself and berating herself over and over. How had she learned the art of destructive deprecatory self talk so well.? From her father? I'd never heard him say much positive to her. But then, he had run away from home at age 15. Why did he feel the need to do that? What was said to him that his home was not a place of refuge but a non safe place that he fled at an early age? Like an old tattered recipe, this kind of self deprecation had been passed down in our family from generation to generation.

When we come into a relationship with Jesus Christ, we enter into a new way of looking at life. "He has born our griefs and carried our sorrows. We esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed." (Isaiah 53: 4-5) God sent His Son to make atonement - to do a switch out for our sins. Jesus took away the condemnation that we were all under because of sin. He replaced it with love and no condemnation. But, as Christians, we have to learn to believe how worthwhile we are in His sight.

Old habits and weavings in families are often passed down from generation to generation. It is important to allow the Comforter, the Divine Paraclete, to come along side and "lead us into all truth." (John 14:26. He will help us sort through our behavior recipes carefully like we gently play a game of Pick Up Sticks. For me, a jar of broken pickles revealed a behavior pattern that needed to be removed and replaced with the biblical truth, "There is therefore no condemnation!"

How do you talk to yourself? What kinds of conversations do you have in your mind? Do you engage in destructive deprecating self talk over life's incidents or do you listen to the kind tender voice of the Holy Spirit as He reminds you that Jesus loves you and gave Himself for you?

I am not a dummy. I am not a klutz! I am a lady with a very clean kitchen floor.

"Sorry, Betsy" I said. "You are not a dummy. You are not a klutz. I'll try not to speak to you like that again." I accepted my apology and forgave myself with constructive self talk - this time.

"There is a time for every purpose under heaven..A time to break down, and a time to build up!"

You pray for me and I'll pray for you that we can break down the patterns of destructive deprecating self talk. Through the enabling power of the Holy Spirit, let's build up the truths of how much our Savior loves us. Maybe we will learn to consistently speak to ourselves with constructive self talk - just like we try to do to our families and friends.

An African "Boodle!"

Reading Through the Bible in 2010 (II Kings 18-20)

“In those days Hezekiah was sick and near death. And Isaiah the prophet, the son of Amoz, went to him and said to him, “Thus says the Lord; ‘Set your house in order, for you shall die and not live.’

Then he (Hezekiah) turned his face toward the wall, and prayed to the Lord, saying,

“Remember now, O Lord, I pray, how I have walked before you in truth and with a loyal heart, and have done what was good in Your sight.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly.” II Kings 20: 1-3

The voice at the other end of the line was unintelligible. The man that I had reached knew what he was saying but I didn’t have a clue. He was speaking Zambian and I was communicating in English. He shouted something that sounded like “Boodle! Boodle!” When I asked for my daughter again, he raised his voice louder and shouted – “Boodle!!!!”

Have you ever tried to call someone in Africa? On their cell phone? It is a challenge that is almost unexplainable.

When Katie and Norman left for Zambia a week ago, they left us house numbers and cell phone numbers. Of course there are cell phones in Africa. Anyone knows that. (Actually I didn’t. When I thought of Africa, I thought of David Livingston talking about the smoke of a thousand fires.) The cell phones work – sometimes. The challenge is getting the bazillion numbers that you have to dial to go thousands of miles and reach the right person. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

The next day I tried again. To my surprise I heard my daughter’s voice on the other end of the line. “Mom,” she said sounding incredulous. “It is a miracle that you got me! We’re in a Jeep traveling on a dirt road in the bush!”

“Yesterday,” I said, “I got an African man who kept saying “Boodle” louder and louder!”

“Yes,” she answered from the jungle, “they speak very emphatically here. In the US we would think they are having an argument, but they’re not.”

Then the line clicked off. But I had spoken to my daughter in Zambia on her cell phone in Africa! A miracle of communication in today’s world.

King Hezekiah was dying. The prophet, Isaiah, had come to tell him that he should set his house in order because he was about to die. But the king wasn’t ready to die and so he turned his face toward the wall and prayed. He said, “’Remember now, O Lord, I pray, how I have walked before You in truth and with a loyal heart, and have done what was good in Your sight.’ And Hezekiah wept bitterly.” (II Kings 20:1-3)

That’s all he did. He turned his face toward the wall and prayed and cried. He didn’t dial any numbers or wait for a ring or get the wrong person shouting “Boodle.” He turned over in his bed and cried out to the Lord and immediately got an answer.

“Then it happened before Isaiah had gone out into the middle court, that the word of the Lord came to him, saying,

“Return and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people. ‘Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you.” II Kings 20:4-5)

Katie said it was a miracle that I reached her in the bush. It was. But the greatest miracle of all is prayer. I can wake up in the night and turn my face to the wall and pray for my daughter and family in Africa and know that God is saying to me, “I have heard your prayer!”

Wow! No boodles about that.

Clinging To God

Reading Through the Bible in 2010 (II Kings 4)

“Now when she came to the man of God at the hill, she caught him by the feet,” II Kings 4:27

“Your blog has been quiet lately?” My friend, Andrea, and I were chatting in my office. She looked at me a bit inquiringly.

I thought, “My blog may be quiet, but my head feels like it is about to pop. So many things are going on in my brain, how can I verbalize them?” I wanted to share but sometimes words can’t express multitudes of emotions.

We sold our motor home down in Illinois last week. It was time, but selling it marked the end of some very special and sentimental times in our lives. I wanted to process that through with the Lord and write about it, but it was too big a part of my life’s journey to do quickly. I leave it with Him.

On the way home we stopped in Madison to pray with a dear friend who was sitting in the hospital beside her dying husband trying to hear what the Lord was telling her. A week later he went to be with Jesus on Sunday, the Lord’s Day. She and her three children are left to ponder what the future will look like without him. How do you process something like that? God knows, I don’t. All I can do right now is weep and weep for my sweet friend, Julie, and her dear children.

Saturday I spoke to a group of women at a lovely Mother – Daughter brunch. The topic was “JOY: Zero Between Jesus and You.” I brought my clothes hamper and spoke to them about how comparison hampers joy.

I wanted to convey to each one how beautiful they are in God’s eyes and how they don’t need to compare themselves to others. They listened and nodded but did the message reach their hearts? Only God knows. But He does know and He cares so much for each one. I can leave it with Him or I can try to, at least. Why am I so emotional about reaching ladies I don’t even know with these truths?

Two weeks ago, my niece and nephew’s dog had to be put to sleep. Barb wrote, “He went to ‘Milkbone Heaven.” Keno was like a child to them and they held him as his life left him. Death, I hate it. Paul said, “The last enemy is death.” Truer words were never spoken.

My daughter who went through breast cancer last year is about to leave for Zambia for three weeks with her husband, their two oldest children and twelve college students. They are leaving the two youngest Rachel – 9, and Joseph – 2, with us. I wrote about this in “Smiling At the Future In the North Woods” in January. Talk about emotions.!

I just saw an advertisement in my Travel magazine that said, “Maybe the road to happiness isn’t a road.” The Proverbs 31 woman “smiles at the future.” I know this and I believe this and that’s what I’m trying to do. But my head still feels too full of the throbbing emotions of life to process coherently right now. The road to happiness isn’t a road that is always marked clearly. Sometimes the trail looks like it goes in many directions and which one do we follow?

Today I read about a woman who knew exactly what to do with her emotions – the Shunammite woman of II Kings 4. This dear lady understood spiritual things. She is called a “notable” woman. She and her husband invited Elisha to eat with them when he traveled through Shunem where they lived. Elisha passed by often and she suggested to her husband that they make a small upper room for him. She put a bed and a table and a chair and a lamp in it. Whenever Elisha came by, he “turned in there.”

Elisha was grateful and wanted to do something for her. He talked to his servant, Gehazi, about it. Gehazi said, “Actually she has no son and her husband is old.” And so, Elisha told her that in a year she would have a son.

The son was born and one day he was working in the field and said to his father, “My head, my head.” The father said, “Carry him to his mother.” I think he knew that she would know what to do. The child died on his mother’s lap. Death again….! She did know what to do. She didn’t talk to anyone about her exploding emotion -filled head. She went to the man of God and clung to him. What happened? Read the story in II Kings 4. It is so powerful!

Once again I see the relevance of the Bible to every situation in life. We may not be able to process all the things happening in our lives. The path ahead may not be clear. The road to happiness may look like it splits off in many directions. But we can follow the example of the woman who lived in Shunem by fleeing to God and clinging to Him.

Andrea and I talked about the summer and what activities to enroll her children and our grandchildren in. Lots of things were rolling around in our heads, but at that moment we needed to get the children registered.

After she left, I thought– When the road to happiness gets emotional and confusing, it is nice to have friends who meet you along the way. Friends who are kind enough to stop in and say, “Your blog seems a little quiet.”

Julie will need to be the Shunammite woman who flees to God day after day after day. But maybe I can follow Andrea’s example and be a friend who cares and stops in along the way.

Call! Don't Fall!

Reading Through the Bible in 2010 (Judges 1-2)

“Now Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died when he was one hundred and ten years old. And they buried him within the border of his inheritance at Timnath Heres, in the mountains of Ephraim, on the north side of Mount Gaash. When all that generation had been gathered to their fathers, another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done for Israel. Then the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord, and served the Baals;” Judges 2:8-11

The ominous sign at the foot of my bed had two exclamation points! “Call! Don’t Fall!” Two choices it screamed! “Call and ask for assistance or do yourself some serious damage by being independent!”

After my knee replacement, I spent eighteen days at Peabody Manor. I opted to do this because my doctor explained that physical therapy twice a day would produce better results in the long run. “Besides,” he said, “They know what they’re doing.”

I obviously didn’t since I’d never had anything replaced before. Charlie said that since he hadn’t either, it could be tough on our marriage if I stayed home and let him supervise the rehab exercises. So I was okay about being there for a while. After all, it was a safe place with competent people and our marriage was being preserved.

But this sign at the end of my bed: “Call! Don’t Fall!”

“I am an independent American and I can get up and take care of myself, thank you. Do I really need to call a nurse and wait for her to appear to do the basics of life?”

However, it wasn’t many hours before my knee pain and lack of balance made me wonder if the doctor had also performed a brain replacement. I couldn’t remember how to walk. It was like I was starting from scratch. I did most certainly need those helpful people in my unsteady state. Calling and not falling seemed like a very good choice. I began to be thankful that the sign was there with its two contrasts.

Speaking of contrasts, the book of Joshua and the book of Judges are like comparing a day filled with sunshine and a day covered over with clouds. Joshua is bright with stories of Israel’s obedience and success. Judges is twenty-one dark chapters of the young nation’s disobedience and failures.

Joshua had led Israel to conquer the Promised Land in general, but each tribe was to remove the Canaanite strongholds that remained in their individual inheritances. They didn’t do it. After Joshua died, the Israelites experienced some short-lived military successes under Judah and Simeon. But, as soon as they ran into the inhabitants of the lowland with their chariots of iron, their faith faltered. Instead of calling on God, they retreated in fear. Instead of removing the moral cancer spread by the inhabitants of Canaan, they let them remain.

Compromise always leads to conflict and chaos. The Israelites didn’t remove the cancer and they contracted the disease. Soon they were worshiping Baal and other Canaanite gods. By now, they should have learned the lesson: "Call! Don't Fall!” Call out to God because He is with you. He is there to deliver you Israel. Just obey!

Chapter two of Judges is a synopsis of the whole book of Judges. It is like reading the back cover of a novel. It tells us exactly what happens in the Book of Failures. When the Israelites don’t call, they fall. When they do call on God, He raises up a deliverer – a spiritual and political deliverer. These individual judges portray the role of Jesus as the Savior-King of His people.

Today we have Jesus living in us as our Savior and King. He is there for us. Why don’t we call on Him when we run up against the chariots of iron in our lives? So often, just like the Israelites, we compromise and coexist with strongholds that need to be dealt with. Then, we’re shocked at the amount of pull they exert on our lives.

My friend, Ann, came to visit me at Peabody Manor. She looked at the sign and said, “That’s a great spiritual message! Call! Don’t Fall!” She got it right away. No brain replacement needed there.

We can call and ask for assistance from our very competent Father in heaven or we can do ourselves some serious damage by being independent. These are two contrasting choices that we make so many times in every day. Just like at Peabody Manor.