A Lesson From A Jar of Pickles

Reading Through the Bible in 2010 (Eccles. 3-6)

"To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to break down, And a time to build up; Eccles. 3:1, 3:3

"You Dummy. What a klutz you are." These words came flying out of my mouth as I surveyed the damage. The kitchen floor glistened with sugary syrup. Pickles, looking like little frogs scattered from their messy perches atop the broken glass, seemed to leer mockingly at me. They were everywhere! Pickles, glass, sticky....aghh!!

"What a mess to clean up. That was so stupid!" Who was I berating? My child, my grandchild, my husband? Nope! I would never talk to them like that. The disparaging words of condemnation were directed at myself. I was the one who reached into the frig and -ker bang - dropped the whole pickle jar. As it crashed to the floor and shattered into a bazillion pieces, I wailed those words about - myself, "You dummy, Betsy. What a klutz you are!"

Later, as I stood with my mop and surveyed the clean kitchen floor, I thought, "Well it really looks quite nice now. It actually needed a good mopping anyway." Then I reached into the pantry and brought out a fresh jar of pickles and reflected, "That other jar was pretty old anyway. It was probably time to replace it."

As I looked at the shining laminate, my friend the Holy Spirit came alongside and surveyed the kitchen with me. He smiled pleasantly and said, "It looks nice, doesn't it?" Then He asked me a question. "Betsy, why were you so hard on yourself? What would you have said to your friend if she had let the pickles slip through her fingers? Would you have called her a dummy and a klutz?"

"Uh,"I paused and reflected on His question. A light was going on in my brain called the illumination of the Holy Spirit. "Why," I answered, "I would have said, "Don't worry, everybody drops things. I'll help you clean it up. And then......well, we probably would have had a good laugh as we gingerly picked up pieces of glass."

He had made His point. There was no need for me to engage in destructive deprecatory self talk. I began to think, "Why am I so careless about the way that I talk to myself?"

My Wise Counselor went on. "Here is a scripture for you to think about. "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." (Rom. 8:1) No condemnation, I reflected. Then why do I condemn myself? Why am I harder on myself than I am on other people?

I thought about it and thought about it. Then a long buried memory came to my mind. I remembered my mother stirring lemon pie filling on the stove. Suddenly it started to burn and the pleasant smell turned acrid. As I watched and listened, she began berating herself and berating herself over and over. How had she learned the art of destructive deprecatory self talk so well.? From her father? I'd never heard him say much positive to her. But then, he had run away from home at age 15. Why did he feel the need to do that? What was said to him that his home was not a place of refuge but a non safe place that he fled at an early age? Like an old tattered recipe, this kind of self deprecation had been passed down in our family from generation to generation.

When we come into a relationship with Jesus Christ, we enter into a new way of looking at life. "He has born our griefs and carried our sorrows. We esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed." (Isaiah 53: 4-5) God sent His Son to make atonement - to do a switch out for our sins. Jesus took away the condemnation that we were all under because of sin. He replaced it with love and no condemnation. But, as Christians, we have to learn to believe how worthwhile we are in His sight.

Old habits and weavings in families are often passed down from generation to generation. It is important to allow the Comforter, the Divine Paraclete, to come along side and "lead us into all truth." (John 14:26. He will help us sort through our behavior recipes carefully like we gently play a game of Pick Up Sticks. For me, a jar of broken pickles revealed a behavior pattern that needed to be removed and replaced with the biblical truth, "There is therefore no condemnation!"

How do you talk to yourself? What kinds of conversations do you have in your mind? Do you engage in destructive deprecating self talk over life's incidents or do you listen to the kind tender voice of the Holy Spirit as He reminds you that Jesus loves you and gave Himself for you?

I am not a dummy. I am not a klutz! I am a lady with a very clean kitchen floor.

"Sorry, Betsy" I said. "You are not a dummy. You are not a klutz. I'll try not to speak to you like that again." I accepted my apology and forgave myself with constructive self talk - this time.

"There is a time for every purpose under heaven..A time to break down, and a time to build up!"

You pray for me and I'll pray for you that we can break down the patterns of destructive deprecating self talk. Through the enabling power of the Holy Spirit, let's build up the truths of how much our Savior loves us. Maybe we will learn to consistently speak to ourselves with constructive self talk - just like we try to do to our families and friends.